Saturday, 21 October 2017

Geostorm (2017)

Plot:
A couple of years from now the weather will get so bad that millions will apparently insta-die. So humanity, with the emphasis very much on 'Murica, quickly builds a series of satellites (faster than it takes to make a pot noodle it seems) to combat extreme weather. That part is all explained by some amusingly dire narration at the start. But, oh no, the satellites are all going wrong and now they're the ones creating extreme weather. Can Gerard Butler save the day and punch the sole English person along the way?

Review:
This was stupid. So unbelievably stupid. Even by the standards of the Hollywood disaster flick. Watching it, I half wanted to punch myself trying to endure it and half wanted to break into hysterics at just how bad the whole thing was.  It kept flipping between being blandly boring and fascinatingly funny in how inept it was.

Butler stars as an American (I guess Scotland must have become part of the US) sciency renegade guy in charge of overseeing this vast network of satellites that apparently run perfectly (despite the hasty construction) until someone hacked into them. But after a senate hearing he is fired by his younger brother (Jim Strurgess). This is the core of their interactions as Sturgess will then spend most of the film moping about their brotherly bond and whatnot. BORING! The brother is also having a fling with a Secret Service agent (Abbie Cornish) and so you also have to endure their terrible conversations too. Perhaps it would have been more watchable if the film had a sense of humour or knew how dumb it was. But it's unaware so you get these conversations that just go on and on and keep reoccurring. Just get on with it! Give us destruction!

Soon enough, you do get the destruction and its all really stupid stuff. But, hey, at least they don't target London this time. Probably the one refreshing thing the film does. But otherwise, it’s a series of events that make little sense, have no consistency, and are played out with a bunch of stupid scenarios such as the woman outrunning the freeze and an aeroplane, or the kid and the dog outrunning the tornado. Yet this is the exact reason you'd come and watch this film. For the nonsensical silliness of it all made all the better that the film doesn't seem to be aware as to how dumb it looks. They even have their take on 'Gravity' only they're so bad at it that it turns into unintentional slapstick.

It does eventually reach the point where it's hard not to question if the film is one big joke. Every second of the film reuses whatever cliche it can find, many of which are horribly outdated (look at the presentation of women, who ultimately boil down to being there to support the men), and they pile up so quickly in every bit of nonsensical action or direlogue that it must be a joke (they even have a countdown!). How can it all be so uninspired and stupid? But at no point does it reveal that it's just messing with you. What you get is being played straight... and it's probably the better for it. At least then there are some laughs to be had by the shoddy quality of it all, some of which is painfully dull and some of it strikes that right kind of bad and stupid that becomes entertaining.

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