Monday, 12 June 2017

Spark: A Space Tale (2017)

Evil uncle takes over the kingdom/planet and its up to the 'rightful' heir (and annoying 13-year-old) to learn who he really is and reclaim it all. Generic stuff given no extra dimension.

You've probably never heard of this film and, beyond this review, you probably never will. It combines the leftover graphics from 'Donkey Kong Country' with the most unimaginatively generic storytelling in the hopes that it will connect with the under 13s who believe themselves to be royalty to be worshipped (as if they don't need any more encouragement at that age) who also have a thing for furries.

It's a pretty generic film, about as generic as it gets, as we are forced to spend time with the apparent everyday bloke who dreams of bigger (while having strops to shoddy pop music) and, lo and behold, he turns out to be royalty. I did not see that one coming. But before he can take his place on the throne he must first take down his evil uncle Zong (or some such - I was more interested in trying to assess which was more uninspired; the name or the relation). The film is so painfully cliched the moment it starts that, within seconds, you assume it must be a joke because of how quickly they pile on and how half-arsed the effort from those involved seems to be.

I wish I could delve deeper into it but there is no depth to the film. It's really just some cheap animation going through the most overused plot points with a bunch of insipid 'characters'. And, to make matters worse, it's one that will try to have you believe that royalty is something you should be grateful for and all that crap. And the way their little universe seems to work here doesn't make much sense as this and that happens but there's no coherent logic in any regard.

And that's really it. This is a film utterly devoid of imagination, originality, charm, or any kind of spark to make it seem remotely interesting as it all too eagerly regurgitates the most cliched and desperate plot, characters, action, and 'jokes'. It doesn't get anymore blandly generic than this.

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